U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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