Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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