I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
