Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
