Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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