I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
