Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
