Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
