My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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