If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
