dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Quick, to the slutcave!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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