Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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