I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have aggressive nipples.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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