So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
