...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
