I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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