well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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