Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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