I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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