i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
