So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
