You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
