They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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