i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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