I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ambien. No doubt about it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
