just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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