Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
