The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
