Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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