i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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