I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
