ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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