sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
