either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
