also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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