i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
