i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
