Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
two words: eviction party
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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