He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
