my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
