He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
