My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sorry about my life...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
