There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
