So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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