So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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