I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
