....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
