I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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