I'm gonna have a badass scar
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
