i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
