Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
