i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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