I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
