I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
