don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
